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Looking for a Girl in Valley but not a Valley Girl I am a 39 year old guy. I have been divorced for three years. I have kids by my single girls individual sex ads in Brocton, Opa locka FL, Lebanon, Madrid, Plain Dealing, Buffalo ND ex, but no "drama". They and my ex live in another state. I am single, xy grannies in Sabanas De Vaca Vieja sane, intelligent, horny women dating in Eytabi consider myself relatively good-looking and in good physical shape. I have a lot to offer the right person, naughty girls Conway when I find her. I am a white guy but date outside my race as often as not. I'm relatively new to the Valley, Alabama area, I have been here a little more than a year. I gotta admit - I'm still not quite used to "small-town" life. All I want is a girlfriend. Someone *normal*. Someone to talk with and have fun, experience life together... 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Waay over-compensate... 2) You have no physical grace - you walk like you just stepped out from behind the plow, like your legs are partially maimed. Everywhere you go you move in a meandering, sensual massage Virginia slow, aimless, aloof fashion. Being in a hurry is uncool. Carrying yourself in a respectable fashion is for uptight bigots...or something. End result is you look lazy and like you don't care about the image you portray to others. 3) You hate anyone who has more than you. More money, more good looks, more cars, more friends, more anything. Hate them. H-A-T-E them. You tell everyone you hate them. Then you whisper rumors, just for good measure. 4) You drive through town very, very slowly, with your head bobbing side-to-side. You create quite a hazard to anyone on or near the road...but driving safely is not your main ambition as you feel your way down the road - You are actually on the lookout for any vehicle you recognize. 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But Facebook Internet - Oh, Facebook Internet is your favorite! You post EVERYTHING about yourself, all your relatives, all your friends, all your friends friends, ANYONE and EVERYONE on Facebook Internet! No matter how personal, private, damning, damaging, or seemingly unimportant a thing is, YOU POST IT on *Facebook Internet* - even your ex-BF's penis measurements and bank account balances and medical records! It feels Soooooo Goooood to post and read other people's business on FACEBOOK INTERNET! Thank GOD that Al Gore invented the internet! What would you do without Facebook Internet? You spend HOUR upon HOUR upon endless HOUR on Facebook Internet. ALL your friends are on Facebook Internet...they post all their secrets, scandalous rumors and embarrassing pictures on Facebook Internet. They post other people's secrets, scandalous rumors and embarrassing pictures, too! Plus you can see who is friends with who, who has the most friends, who has the least friends, what your friends like, what they don't like, what people are doing, what shows they like, who is dating who, who is single and who is attached, etc...etc...etc...etc. You get an incredible rush of power in controlling the dissemination of all this information! You can create drama, stir up fights, expose people, embarrass people, even destroy people! In short, you really, really like Facebook Internet. Besides, who doesn't? 6) You are proud to be living the good life. As such, you never, ever cook your own meals. Cooking is for unsophisticated, inferior folks. You eat at least two, usually three, delicious square meals a day from McDonalds, Krystals or Burger King. 7) You know the true secret to being attractive to men despite being seriously and perhaps even morbidly overweight. Tattoos and body piercings!!! Tramp-stamps, ankle tattoos and tongue-piercings can replace years of dieting and exercise in the sex-appeal department! Allude to the "other tattoos you cannot see and my *special* piercings" to get men's minds wandering and right into the sack with you! 8) You think the government somehow owes you a check or healthcare simply because you exist. When you cash the check you actually think the money came "from the government". When faced with the reality that it was taken away from other people in the form of taxes you assume they are greedy and rich yankees and therefore you inherently deserve it more than they do. You get angry and defensive when anyone tries to explain that other people worked for and earned the money the government gives you. 9) You skip a class necessary for your Forensic Science and Criminal Investigation "Degree" to run and pay some bills. Someday you're gonna be just like those CSI guys on TV, Yay! 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You secretly long to know if he wears boxers or briefs... You have no idea who Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, or Rahm Emanuel are, but you have heard of George Bush, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck and they are just bad, bad, haters. Some actor or someone said that on some show or something. You didn't actually vote for Obama because it was too hard and would take too long to figure out how and where to do it, but you tell everyone you did and besides - you have a bumper-sticker on your car. 11) Nursing a slight hangover while sitting in church means you "had a great weekend". You don't comprehend that this is wrong at all - much less wrong on more than one level. 12) You recognize the guy sitting a few rows in front of you in church - he's the one you buy your pot from. He never misses a Sunday service. 13) You do things because everyone else does them, so why not? 14) Your idea of a fancy dinner is going to Applebees instead of IHOP. 15) More than once in the past few months you've had a friend or relative watch the kids overnight so you could go "Get tore up." At least once in the past year you couldn't find anyone to watch them, so you simply brought them along. 16) Your friends think you're cool because you make a good beer-can bong. 17) You think you're cool because you make a good beer-can bong. 18) You and your friends know that any single man who knows how to cook, reads books in his spare time, likes an imported beer, does his own laundry, doesn't like hip-hop music, prefers "fancy" food with garlic and "weird stuff" in it to fast food is most certainly a closet fag and should be immediately ruled out as a potential mate. 19) You think that the type of music a potential date likes is very important. You ponder this point while repeatedly flipping back and forth between your two favorite stations - one country and one gangsta-rap. Your pride bursts forth as a big smile when you realize you knew every word to the last four songs. 20) You haven't read a book without pictures for enjoyment since...ever. Reading is boring and cuts into your TV time. 21) You know that your self worth, popularity, and value to others is measured by how much drama and turmoil you can generate...and NOTHING is more important than your popularity. You also know that keeping this drama to yourself would be sinful and selfish, so the more you can spread it around and the more you can involve others in it, the better. 22) You think chickens are funny -soooo damn funny!!! Ok, this isn't really a bad trait at all - just an observation I've made since I've lived here. Why do people here think chickens are funny?

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